“As we set our sights on the future and begin to transform our industry, it is essential that we have the right talent in place to drive growth and business success.
“For the past several months, my team and I have focused on long-term success planning and talent development. As part of those discussions, Ebenezer Geezer, the West Region president, informed me of his intention to retire at the end of this year.”
Wow, that’s a lot of lead-in before we get to point: Ebenezer Geezer is retiring. I, along with thousands of others in offices and cubicles across the U.S., got this email in the middle of a busy workday. How many actually read to the last sentence of the second paragraph? Did you?
I think the email should have been written more like this:
“West Region President Ebenezer Geezer is planning to retire at the end of this year. We will greatly miss Ebenezer and his talent for cost cutting. My team and I, however, have a plan to make the transition to a new West Region president as smooth as butter. So, no worries, folks! This change won’t affect our profits or, most importantly, your jobs. So, keep working!” Continue reading Writing clearly, saying it simplyby