Sample Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

Raising the average with magnificent treasure

New York City ─ Ingrid and Gunther Übermensch and the Übermensch Foundation announced an $100 million endowment to the Institute for the Love and Understanding of Mediocre Persons (LUMP), a nonprofit organization dedicated to the support and promotion of the Mediocre.

A spokesperson for the Übermensch Foundation stated that Mr. and Mrs. Übermensch made the endowment after learning their youngest son’s ACT scores. The money will be earmarked for research and halfway houses for those afflicted with mediocrity.

Accepting the so-so
The Übermensches celebrated their endowment with a black tie gala that raised an additional $500,000 for LUMP. Philanthropic and business leaders attended the $1,000-per-plate event at the Four Seasons Hotel in New York City.  Held in the Platinum Ballroom and decorated with ice sculptures by famed artist Ferdinand Marquez and tapestries on loan from Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria, the evening included cocktails, dancing and dinner prepared by Wolfgang Puck. Attendees also enjoyed performances by Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra and cellist Yo-Yo Ma.

The evening closed with heartfelt essays read by some of those helped by LUMP. The crowd listened patiently as the essayists stumbled over their words and, at times, their feet: Attendees had a brief scare when one inebriated LUMP alumnus nearly fell onto an ice sculpture on his way to the podium. But he received generous applause after he finished reading from his notecards. His hands shook and sweat dripped off the tip of his nose, but his big smile showed both gratitude and newfound confidence.

Beloved losers
“Everyone knows and loves a person who is mediocre,” said Elizabeth Rockefeller DuPont, LUMP board member. “This event shows that we love unconditionally, even those who don’t hold jobs for longer than six months and spill bong water on our Persian rugs.”

“My own grandson is currently living at one of LUMP’s halfway houses,” said an emotional Henry Westinghouse-Edison III, who is also a board member. “The staff convinced him to begin wearing trousers and he’s even given up his fanny pack and purchased a wallet. It’s amazing what these people can do to help our Mediocre.”

Übermensch Foundation
Inspired by the belief that their God-given gifts can benefit the world, the Übermensch Foundation offers resources to bring hope to the Average and Below Average. Their mission is to support services that train and employ the masses and inspire them to find satisfaction in their life’s station. Visit www.ubermenschfoundation.com for more information.

The Institute for the Love and Understanding of the Mediocre
LUMP is a nonprofit organization dedicated to developing and encouraging individuals who find success elusive. Through workshops, staffed facilities and tough-love programs, thousands of mediocre individuals have managed to keep and hold jobs and move out of their parents’ basements and off their best friends’ couches. Learn more at www.institutueforthelump.com.

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Contact Information

Madeline Albright, LUMP community relations director

(878) 555-1234

MAlbright@LUMP.org

 

 

 

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